Emily’s Wasted and Other High School Memories

During the many years I spent in elementary and secondary school, I gained the reputation as the epitome of a “goody two shoes.” That is, until my senior year, when my squeaky clean reputation was tarnished with a harmless joke that spiraled into a minor scandal. Oh the good old days of high school….

It all started at a wrestling meet, when I forgot a sign I had made in support of our senior wrestlers in the trunk of my car. I had to go back out to my car to get it and when I came back in a few of the guys from my grade started giving me a hard time, saying that I had really been drinking in my car. They thought it was so hilarious because it was so far from anything I would ever do.

I never broke the rules, ever. I seriously believed in permanent records and was determined that mine would be spotless. The only major infraction I ever made was with the Clermont County Library, when I forgot to return a collector’s edition of “For Whom the Bell Tolls” and was threatened with a charge of $90 unless it was returned immediately. (It was for summer reading, not my own amusement. I’m not that dorky and Ernest Hemingway is kind of a male chauvinist pig.)

I thought that this little joke was an isolated incident, until the next basketball game. As a member of the cheerleading squad, I stood and faced our student section and led them in group cheers during timeouts. When the first timeout began, I noticed that they were doing one of their own. This was always fun because they could say things we could never say out on the floor. This time however, my name was involved. It kept getting louder and then it clicked, “Emily’s wasted!” Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

My face had to be priceless. These were the thoughts going through my head:

1. Oh my God, my parents are here. Are they going to think I’m some drunk? Am I grounded?
2. Other people’s parents are here. What are they going to think?!
3. What will my teachers say?

My parents thought it was hilarious. They would sooner believe I was smoking crack in the girl’s bathroom than I was drunk. Usually people drink in social settings and I was no social butterfly by any means. And apparently no one else really cared either. I was worried over nothing.

But then, it kept going.

The next time it was, “Check her water bottle” and other admittedly clever quips. I was actually getting a pretty big kick out of it there for a while.
After a couple of months, one of my teachers pulled a kid out of class and gave him a lecture as to why it was inappropriate to say those things about me in school. After that, another teacher asked my cheerleading coach if she thought I had a drinking problem (she assured him that I did not).

That was when the fun officially stopped. I was starting to worry that I was going to be the next episode of Intervention. I think other people noticed this too because the jokes and rumors died down and thankfully, I never appeared on a reality TV show claiming that “I don’t have a problem!”

Now that I am of the legal drinking age, I was a little skittish to see how old friends from high school would react to seeing me have a drink. I was afraid the moment they saw me with a drink in my hand, someone would say, “She‘s wasted,” or something else to that effect. But, just like a lot of things from high school, people moved on and it’s just not as funny anymore.

P.S. If anyone has had a look at my permanent record lately, can you make sure that it hasn’t been besmirched by that library fine? Thanks a ton!